I’m not much to believe in signs from above…The universe…Or whatever. But I’ve seen the same time 12:34 AM and 12:34 PM. Everyday for like the past 2 months. Before that I’d see it either AM or PM each day, that went for like 3 months before it started being both times of the day… It doesn’t matter if I’m sleeping, I wake up and look at the clock and there it is.

What does this mean? I have no idea. The time of day does have meaning to me. I became a father for the first time at 12:34 AM on November 7 2008. So my thoughts go towards my oldest daughter. She has a heart of gold, and cares so much for people (like me) but she can get very emotional about things. She is also one that will hide her feelings as much as she can to help others. Since the divorce I don’t get to see her or my 2 other little girls everyday. This kills me every day I’m not with them. 

So in my mind I feel these “signs” of the time of day are somehow trying to tell me that something’s up…. Do you think I’m just being paranoid? I do worry about everything for my children daily. It’s a messed up cruel world we live in. I just want them to have the best I can provide and for them to not go through many of the things that I have had to.

If you have any advice for me on this feel free to comment. Thank you for reading.

Posted in babbling, children, compassion, dreams, emotions, Family, fear, goals, Hard times, Life, loneliness, love, random thoughts, ranting, sadness, society, strength, venting | Leave a comment

Pain and vengeance

How often when your mad do you wish the worst upon someone? I notice this in many people. Is it the way society works anymore? Is it just they way things are? Or is it just messed up?

I for one will never wish the worst upon anyone. No matter what they have done or what you think they have done. I will always wish them the best. With that if they have wronged you their best might not be your best. So you just have to prove (mainly to yourself) what you can do and that you can rise above the issues at hand to put forth a better you. 

I wouldn’t wish the worst or even just what I’ve been through and go through upon anyone. Have the events I have survived made me a better person? I feel they have. They have instilled a perseverance that cannot be stopped. With that it has also instilled a sense of always thinking I could have done better. These are both things that can be used productivity or break you down into a shell of who you really are.

Just remember the person you wish bad upon may have more going on than you have any idea… So remember to wish them well… Then they can do with that as they will, and you will show true character and human decency..

Posted in Anger Management, Architecture, art, babbling, compassion, Construction, dreams, emotions, Family, fear, goals, gosls, Hard times, Life, loneliness, love, never quit, politics, random thoughts, ranting, real men, sadness, self exploration, society, strength, venting | Leave a comment

Saying goodbye to a masterpiece

I keep being asked how will you be able to sell the house you’ve put so much into? Well my normal answer is something like “hopefully for enough money”. But as I get asked this more and more and it gets closer to being done I find myself thinking about it more. With all I’ve done here and the time spent on it it’s not an easy answer at all.

Carpenters, plumbers, and electricians all get a bit of a bad wrap from what I see and hear. (Me bring all three harder) Most people think that we just do what’s needed to get paid. Don’t get me wrong there probably plenty that do. But for those of us that put that extra bit of effort into our projects it hurts to hear the comments.

Among being a carpenter, plumber, and electrician I feel with what I do that I’m an artist of sorts. My projects arnt done just to get done not caring what the final view on it is…. Theres much more to it. Each part of my work is brought forth to the next, each system in the house should compliment the others. For wiring and plumbing the little extra time to have things hung neatly and straight doesn’t take much time. For construction it’s the details and the test of time. Build it to last and build it the way you would your own. These are very important little things to remember.

So back to my house…. I’ve been working on restoring it for over four years now. It’s been four busy, emotional and just plain hard years. Reading Adobe of my other posts will fill you in on most of that. But the question still remains how do you let go of something that’s become such a big part of you and your life? I’ve thought pretty hard on this and the best answer I can come up with makes sense to me with my views.

The way I view my house is the same way a painter views a painting. You create something beautiful, a tribute to your work and sometimes another element. But what good would a painter do for the world of all his art he kept? If he were to have it all at his house for him to enjoy and those who he invited in? So with all of this that’s how I can sell my house. It’s a work of art and I’m going to share it with someone who will enjoy it as much of not more than I have. And then I’ll start my next “masterpiece”. 

I’m not the best at anything, I’ll never claim to be but with every project and everyday in general I strive to push myself to a higher standard and will never settle for taking a step back down. With all of this thank you for reading and keep pushing forward.

Posted in Architecture, art, compassion, Construction, dreams, emotions, Family, fear, goals, Hard times, Life, loneliness, love, never quit, ranting, real men, sadness, self exploration, society, strength, venting | Leave a comment

Dreams, goals, ambitions, and real life

To be a person who has very big goals and dreams gets harder year after year. You come up short of what you set our to do.. so you….A. give up… B. Set another goal with less expectations…. Or C. Set a goal that finishes the one you fell short of and pushes you even further towards your end dreams, and goals.

Answer this question fully honestly for yourself. If you would post your answer in the comments, if you’d like share a story to go with it.

For me the answer is always the same. I will go with C Everytime…doesn’t matter if I’ve missed my goal 2, 3, or 6 years in a row. The constant push forward will gain strength and momentum, and at some point that will get you to where you want to be.

There are problems with pushing hard at a wide range of big goals. While your looking forward you have to remember to look at what’s right now… Whats right in front of you, and who’s right in front of you. I say this from experience… I will say I’m not great at giving all parts of my life equal attention. Never have been and probably never will be. But this is what my newest goals are incorporating. 

I am now since my last writing a divorced father of 3 beautiful girls. A business owner, employee, and owner of real estate. I have alot on my plate, I seem to function best when I have alot to mess with. But in all of this I have poured all of me into my girls and business. Along the way I have overlooked my girlfriend, friends and myself. I don’t feel bad about it… Just disappointed in myself for not being the man I am in all points of life.

So with all of this I am back will be writing more as I feel it helps and has my audience to keep me accountable. I am striving to be the best me I can be and concer my goals and dream with the help of those around me. Instead of trying to do it all on my own. Thank you for reading have a great day and never give up on something to really care about.

Posted in compassion, dreams, emotions, Family, fear, goals, Hard times, Life, loneliness, love, never quit, ranting, real men, sadness, self exploration, society, strength | 2 Comments


The man who is in touch with his feelings is wanted by all, and by none at the same time. men are thought and portrayed to be emotionless creatures that don’t connect or possess the skills to do many things.  The few men that do are looked down upon, thought of a weak or unable to “be a man”. This very thought is ridiculous,  the men who help or do the”role of a women” jobs are actually more of a man and stronger than those that can bench press a Buick. The man who wells up with tears during a show or movie is more in touch with his feelings than most people can imagine.

That man doesn’t care if this cross minded world we live in sees him doing it.  That man knows who he is and isn’t afraid to show it,  to anyone. The way you appear to the world doesn’t always show who you really are,  most hide behind a mask of what they think the world would like them to be.  It takes a real strong person to go against that. To pull that mask off and say “this is me,  these are my flaws,  this is my pain,  this is who I am,  and that’s all I can be”. I have to say I don’t know too many people who are like this.

I am an emotional person,  I am a man, a Christian,  a husband,  a father, a son and brother. I am a friend,  and a carpenter.  All these roles add their own weight to me. There’s plenty more things I could add but these are the things that matter most. Without the first sentence of my roles in life nothing else matters. Without these relationships these people everything I do means nothing. Just another wave in the ocean. …

I care about people, for the ones that I love I will sacrifice,  I will never quit on the ones I love.  Even people and acquaintances that I hardly know I care about.  I am a man with a big heart I’m here to help all that I can. In the end of it all without love your empty. It doesn’t matter how much money you have,  how pretty you are,  how many people you’ve been with,  none of that matters. Without heart you have nothing. .. without love you cannot keep a heart alive.  So love alot, pray alot, forgive,  and just be there for someone when they need you no matter what they’ve done to you.  With this you may get hurt having your heart out there isn’t easy but nothing worth having comes easy. So I’ll leave you with this last thing

This is who I am this is who I wanted to be. .. who or what I will be is only a question mark now…

Posted in compassion, emotions, Family, fear, Hard times, Life, loneliness, love, ranting, real men, sadness, self exploration, society, strength, venting | Leave a comment

Endless thoughts

It’s not the situation that you are in that will kill you. . It’s the thoughts that go through your head during it.  You will find a new strength inside you that you never knew you had.  You will find all kinds of things about yourself that you didn’t know. The hard part is figuring out what parts are ones that push you forward and what ones pull you down.

Everyday is a new adventure whether good or bad it’s yours to live. The source of your pain can be your biggest source of joy. The conflict inside of you that this causes will rip you into pieces. Everyday that this goes on it gets harder and harder to see what the out come might be. .. find something in it all amongst the rubble that is your life that can start to sew you back together.  Even just one stitch here or there can keep you from crumbling.  Each day look for that moment that kind word, that giggle and smile that reminds you why your fighting for what you love… why you haven’t given up, why you won’t give up. ..

Many won’t understand what you are doing. .. they will offer advice that they feel is good and don’t get me wrong it might be. … But if the picture your mind draws of the outcome of taking that advice doesn’t put you where you want to be. .. then remember no matter what is all on you. .. Not the person giving you advice. .

I’m not going to say it will all work is self out or it’ll get better. … none of those sayings hold true in all places. . But what I am going to say is. … if in YOUR heart you know what you are fighting for is your only path. .. your only road to happiness. .. then lace up your boots dust yourself off and keep on going the path your walking may lead you through hell but in the end is still the path that was paved for you. Keep your eyes on what you want and keep your heart in it FULLY don’t let the battle harden your heart. And finally PRAY even if your not religious. .. try it. .. what do you have to loose a minute of your time? … i pray to the Lord to give me the strength to continue fighting for what I believe in.. to give me the patience for him to do his work on the hearts and minds of those involved. …i pray for the ability to forgive and move forward down the path he has laid for me…i pay for him to guide me wherever he wants me to go. ..i pay to him that I give myself fully to him and trust in him that he has the plan that is best for my life.

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Random thoughts

Your whole life isn’t about you.. it’s not about the the things you have the job you worked the struggles you’ve gone through. … its all about the legacy you leave when your gone.. the lives you touched the stories and memories that people will never forget. .. the accomplishments you make in life lift you up and fill you with joy…. these don’t mean anything after your gone. .. when I’m gone I hope people will remember me for who I am. . Not what the world thinks I am.. I am leaving a legacy where even my enemies can’t say anything bad about me and that is something most cannot say…..

Everyday is a bad day every night is a bad night. .. how you make it through it and what you do with the lesson learned is what makes you who you are. …so never quit going. .. never quit living just because the pressure and pain is crushing your legs. .. pull your self as far as you can and when the pain crushes your arms use your heart. .. it may be broken but it can never be crushed and made unusable with the Lord in your heart. ..

I’m a carpenter. . i work on old houses and restore them to what they once were or what they could have been… i fix what’s bad and make them into great places for people to live. ..i don’t throw them away and build a new one. … this is one of my principals that I have put into my life. .. these are views that this whole country used to have and I hope and pray that one day this country will come back to what it once was. .. what it could be. ….and i will hold on and fight for this principal to to mean something and work is power in my marrige. …continue to pray and try to put these principals to work in your lives in all ways

Posted in Construction, Family, Hard times, Life, ranting, sadness, self exploration, society, venting | Leave a comment